La Boda

I went to my first indigenous wedding today. The celebration started with a 5 am ritual for the young couple, Miriam and Nelson. “Los invitados” (family and friends), gathered at Miriam’s home where the 19-year-old pair sat side by side facing their Padrinos (literally “godfathers”). Each had selected a marriage Padrino, a well-respected man from the community to give them advice before the wedding and guide them through the matrimonial years to come. The rest of us gathered around them as witnesses.

Miriam was the first to get advice, which came from Nelson’s Padrino. He said that life was going to change and that marriage was not a game. It was going to be hard. Tonight, after the wedding ceremony, she would not be returning to her home but, rather, had a new home and new parents. She would need to great them as mom and dad, even if it might be awkward at first. Getting used to their home, he counseled, would be hard. They might not have many of the things she is used to having and their food would be different. She needed to eat it graciously and thank her new mother for the food. She would get used to it. In the morning she needed to get up early, and each morning thereafter. Her mother-in-law would be up early and Miriam shouldn’t arise any later than her.

Now Nelson was told, “and you need to make sure she gets up early.” Sometimes young couples like to sleep in but you need to be sure she doesn’t; encourage her to get up and start the breakfast.

Back to Miram. You need to prepare the food: the coffee, tortilla, beans. You need to wash the clothes and you need to put his shirts away the way he likes it so that when he is looking for a t-shirt or a collared shirt, he knows just where they are. You might not know at first how he likes his shirts but you will learn. Your mother-in-law will teach you. And you need to be wary of men in the street who will want to seduce you. Those days of socializing with other men are passed. You will have a union between the two of you and God. You need to be strong against all the men who will try to seduce you. And at first it will be easy but in 7 or 8 years, it will be hard.

Now Nelson got his advice. Your wife is valuable, you need to treat her with respect. She will cook and clean and care for the kids. You shouldn’t hit her. And when there is extra money in your pocket, which there will sometimes be, you need to be very careful with that money. You will need it for when your wife or kids are sick. And you will need it to dress your wife well. You might think one weekend, “I have some extra money, ‘Miriam, let’s go to the lake shore and get some snacks’”. But then she will be asking you the next weekend to take her to the lake shore for some snacks. She will come to expect it. You need to save that money and take care of her needs with it. And you need to be wary of girls in the street who will seduce you. There will be many and it won’t be easy, but your commitment is to each other and God for the rest of your life.

In the past, the engaged couple then went around to each witness on their knees to greet them and get their blessing. This gathering was brought to an end with hand shakes.